Him.

It’s been almost two months since the last time I saw him. Al.

At this point, usually crushes have begun to fizzle out, but something about this one continues to live. I’m not sure what that means, and I’m REALLY not sure if I want to admit anything about it. But then again, I’m here writing this post. That means I’m at least ready to entertain the idea.

At what point does a crush become more than just a crush? What constitutes something other than a crush? This could all very well still be within the crush phase of things: I smile when I receive a message from him; I panic when I receive a message from him and wait five minutes so it doesn’t seem like I was waiting for a response; I think about him randomly throughout a day; song lyrics can make me smile because I’m remembering something involving him; I miss him in a terrible, maybe irrational way. Clearly I have something bad.

I’m very hesitant to claim it as love because there’s no telling if he even cares about me that way anymore. Kissing lips smileys don’t necessarily add up to “You often cross my mind.” Just because I’ve failed to let go of something that happened in what could be defined as a “summer fling” doesn’t mean that he has not. He’s in his 30s! I assume he’s more emotionally stable than me (doesn’t take much, honestly).

It just worries me that I’ve attached myself more that I’m away than when I was there. I just miss him and I want to know that it’s just because we shared a beautiful few months; not because I’m in love. That’s not a good option. It’s not the easily feasible option.

When have I ever done anything easily?

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