Today I tweeted this: “He called me and we talked about life. I think he’s sad that I’m leaving. And I love it. We’re hanging out tomorrow.”
It’s fascinating how close you can get to a single person. We’ve been friends for about a year, talking and getting to know each other here and there, and he makes me feel completely comfortable. Even when I want to tell him embarrassing things about how I feel about him, it’s still easier to tell him than it has been with anyone else I’ve had feelings for. How amazing is that?!
Can I say this is love? I’m telling you I love him. Surprise.
He sent me a text this evening saying, “hey honey, can I call you?” And it was hilarious to me because he never calls me and I could feel the smile on my face after reading it. Fast-forward: there was a moment during our phone call when I realized that I could lay claim to love NotBoyfriend.
I was pacing outside our hotel in my socks, left arm folded across my chest against the cold, right hand holding a little phone to my ear. He was chatting away with his adorable German accent (sounding a little drunk actually) talking about life. And I was completely into it. It was just nice to know I was on the phone with him, you know? But we talked about life and started making plans to hang out tomorrow (Monday), my last day in Germany indefinitely. He said it was just hitting him that I was leaving. And he sounded a little sad. And I’m both thrilled by this (because I made a mark just as he’s made a mark on me) and also saddened. Because if he’s near where I am, then this parting won’t be easy for him either.
This is the most peace I’ve had about being in love with him, and having to leave all my chances of happiness with him behind, in weeks. I had the realization that Love isn’t always going to be the romantic kind. I saw a quote today (probably from Tumblr) that said soulmates aren’t what we think they are. Ugh I can’t even misquote the damn thing. Just trust me! It’s super relevant to this post and what I’m going on about. NotBoyfriend might be my soulmate in every sense of the word except that we probably won’t live happily ever after together. I’m in love with him and he is in like with me and that is okay. I will be okay.
Even though sometimes it hurts now, I’m glad to have him in any way he’s willing to give himself.