.19 Fear

There isn’t a person I know who is unfamiliar with fear. Some of us face them more often than others, while many of us just watch it timidly from afar.

I think I spend way too much time being the latter of the two.

Recently I watched a video (because that’s basically all I do with my free time without my guitar. Or a job. Or a car. Far from everything.) talking about how many people are currently avoiding doing something because they’re afraid. And I thought it was hilarious because it couldn’t have been more accurate for me.

I live at home because I was terrified of actually having to rough it after college. Under the pressure of senior projects, apartment hunting, AND job hunting, I was fed up with my situation. I thought I exhausted all of my options, but now I know I hadn’t. I could just as easily be in Minneapolis right now, sleeping on someone’s floor. I could have found a job that I didn’t want to stay at too long, but paid the bills and gave me my independence. It would have been hard, and I still would have been scared, but it could have been done. Instead I opted to move home with my parents.

Sometimes regret it.

There are always going to be things in life that we are afraid to do. Plenty of times, there will be no other choice but to face these fears head-on and I want to be a person who can do that. At least if I try, I know that I gave it my all. Right now, I feel I just opted for the easy route. I complain about not being able to do much, but I don’t take the chances to do things often times. I only blame myself, but I’d rather encourage myself to be a bit more daring. A bit more brave. Moderated reckless behavior might do be some good. “It’s not about being fearless, but learning how to control your fear.” (Divergent, Ch. 18, p.94-95) It’s a quote, but it’s paraphrased slightly (please don’t sue me).

I have a lot to learn.

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